With the decrease in public library budgets, it is inevitable that librarians will need to diversify their skill sets to keep up with the changing climate. Older librarians will need to be able to keep up with the computers and not roll their eyes at the latest trashy genre that is popular (which is, quite obviously, very different from their preferred trashy genre). Newer librarians will have to bring more to the table than verve and a working knowledge of Microsoft Office and Google. And a few librarians are going to have to specialize in new disciplines, created out of the current financial crisis. Librarians with fluency in job-search websites and expertise in fine-tuning resumes with a few quick keystrokes. Librarians who can line up speakers on important topics like starting your own business, publishing your own book, or making your money go farther. And, of course, librarians who can serve as bouncers.
As many of us know, bouncers are the grim-faced individuals who made sure that the disruptive people didn't interfere with others enjoyment of their facilities and, while the traditional image of a librarian is of a grim-faced shusher, we also know that this is simply not practical in an age of web-based computer games, ubiquitous cell phones, and scampering children. We need librarians who have specialized in shushing, who have the presence to throw out without a throw down, but who have the patience to mediate a meltdown without disturbing the entire library. Those possessing a MLIBS (Masters in Library, Information, and Bouncing Sciences) know how to walk the fine balance between accessibility and anarchy, between child-friendly and charlie foxtrot.
It goes without saying that this specialty requires one who is an excellent shusher, able to quiet with a glance and a hand gesture, but also one stalwart enough to remind lingering patrons that the library is closing, without specifically mentioning that we all want to go home. They must be fleet of foot and firm of voice to slow the children who fail to understand that wide reading spaces do not mean a place to run, nor do close-packed stacks provide the ideal ground for hide and seek. A resistance to embarrassment is necessary when teenagers (and the teenaged at heart) mistake the seclusion of the stacks as an ideal place for amorous activities.
Communication abilities are a must, for who else is going to write up the inevitable police report when politely worded suggestions fail to oust the mother of a screaming child or the gang of youth dominating the computers? Coursework for the specialization in Bouncing includes proper etiquette for dealing with parents who abandon their children in the library for long summer days, or use the library as a makeshift daycare after school. In addition to clear, concise, and accurate, skills must include excellent non-verbal communication and the rudiments of popular languages in one's area... who has not needed to search their memory for "Silencia, por favor" or "No corra?", to say nothing of Vietnamese, Urdu, or Mandarin? Diplomacy and tact must be cultivated, for when our more fragrant patrons must be asked to leave, so other patrons can breathe again, and also when subsequent patrons ask "Was there a dog in here?" A voice of authority is necessary when politely asking those with laptops to move out of the children's area, but it must be gentled when dealing with a runaway toddler.
